the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
