It's just like the Real World with babies
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
