I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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