Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
