you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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