did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
