i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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