she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
