Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
