woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
