The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
