woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
