Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
