but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
