This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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