Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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