I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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