May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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