I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
is that a dick in a sweater?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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