Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
