glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck appropriateness.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
