roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I could fuck to npr.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
