Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize