I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
