YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
