Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
