we're blogging at a bar
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
