i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
