i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
