you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
