Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
