Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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