Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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