How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
