Did you just see the Batmobile???
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
