you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
