I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
