i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize