Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
