Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
