hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
