I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
