just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
