I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize