youre lurking in front of me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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