Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
