like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
