Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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