just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
