I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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