this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
