she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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