sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
