every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
