Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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