Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
