I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
