I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
