Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
