the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
