Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize