epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
