i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
