If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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