I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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