I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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