My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
