Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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