You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
