someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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