Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
