Me too!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
