Soap is not a condiment
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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