she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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