the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
