We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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