She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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