just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
