I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
